The Agony Behind a Faithful Heart
Sometimes being in love is the most remarkable moment in someone’s life. Love is said to be the most powerful emotion that will strike someone’s life and feelings. Everybody wants to experience this rare phenomenon in their lives. They just simply go on to its flow. Each one of us has the capacity of falling in love. Who among us would say “I don’t like being in love!!” that's crazy.
But did you know that this particular feeling that I am actually talking about could sometimes be so deceiving? It does not only offer true happiness within one’s innocent emotion but also intense and severe grief. Yes it’s true and I can attest.
The last blog I created would just simply oppose and challenge this new one.
Not all people are very lucky in terms of love. They think that they’re incredibly blessed for having a special person whom they can trust, rely on, share problems, and assist each other in time of uncertainty. I thought I found the right person for me whom I can count on. Well at first we feel so glad having in each other’s arms. We went to the movie, shop, text, talked whatever topic that came into our minds and a lot more. Aside from a lover, she’s also my BEST FRIEND. I vividly remember when we were watching TV at home then I cooked her the best food specialty I knew in my entire life. (corned beef, sinigang na hipon or baboy, ginisa etc) well you would probably raise your eyebrows but they were my specialties hehehe. It was a great time being with your special someone. My life was so colorful. Everything was very authentic. It was the time when I’m in cloud nine. I wish that it would never end. You just don’t know what kind of feeling I have that time. Until one day, the day that once was a colorful life had turned insipid. I don’t know what the problems are. But I was very sure that I haven’t done any wrongdoings. She told me that the problem is not with me but her.
Then we talked. At first I was afraid because she was crying already. I don’t have any idea why she was crying. She can’t even open her mouth and start talking. I was really guilty that time. Guilty of something that I myself don’t even know. I just hug her and said “hey I’m just here”. “We can overcome these problems but please let me know”. Then she started to talk. I’m just listening that time when suddenly my tears came out from my eyes. What I heard was something I was never really expecting. She was confused of her feelings and admitted that she still loves her EX. Oh My GOD..!!! I cried while she's hugging me and I asked “are you cheating me?” I never heard any response from her but I knew to myself that she was cheating me. That was the most painful time I had in my life. This was the second time I got hurt. Much painful from the previous relationship. Nobody can explain what I felt that time. The craziest part is that while we were talking she was texting her EX for so long and that was in front of me. She said she was soo jealous coz during that time her EX has entered a new relationship with another girl.. The pain i have that time really doubled. But I pretended that it was okay with me because I love her.
Well Right now I know that I’m not okay. I’m so down and so depressed. I don’t know what to do. “May nagawa ba akong mali sayo?” why do you have to do this to me? Everything was sooooooo fake for you. I showed and gave you everything the best that I can be as a person, as a friend and mostly as a lover. But it seems that they were not enough for you. You just don’t know how much you hurt me. Of all people why you. “Bakit ikaw pa mananakit sakin ng ganito?” This is really devastating. Sometimes I’m thinking…why don’t you just kill me to lessen all the pain that i'm goin through. I don’t deserve to be cheated this way. Lahat lang pala pretensions para sayo mga nangyari satin. And now you are asking me to forgive you???? I am sorry but I’m not ready to forgive a person who cheated and hurt me. I told u that you might lose a friend as well. You know what? The most painful part is that I'm going to lose my best friend and ito ang hindi ko matanggap. You asked me to stay… for what? If I stay I know the pain will keep on hunting me. I should not be like this cause I know that I’m strong but I have to admit na totally wrecked ako for what you did. You said you loved me..but what happened??.. I don’t know what to do. I don't want to trust you anyway. I can’t concentrate on my work and mostly I cry… When I said GOODBYE to you, it was actually the hardest decision I made. You know It's not easy for me to do that but I have to for myself. I never loved myself that much so it's time to manage myself now. Honestly, I'm still thinking of staying beside you. I know that you were also hurt and I also understand what and how you feel this time. I know wala ka karamay ngayon sa mga problems mo... no matter how excruciating the pain inside my heart I still care and think of you. I know this is not the right time to leave you but I think okay na rin ito. Sometimes we have to learn the lessons here all by ourselves. Both of us must see and find out the true lesson of this especially you.
I'm just gonna miss your hugs, your kisses, your jokes, your face, your hands. Not only these but also I'm going to miss everything from you... the hang outs, the cooking stuffs, the meriendas, the window shoppings and everything my love... now I will lose you…my lover and my BEST FRIEND….......
" Love is a game in which one always cheats "
